Well, it's certainly been awhile since I've written here. Much has happened in the past year. Most significantly has been the loss of my best friend Jean. This is the first time I'm actually sitting down to write about it and it's been over a year since her death. I guess some things just take awhile to work themselves out.
I don't think I really, really grieved this loss till recently. I went to the doctor last week. He asked me how I was feeling, and seemingly out of nowhere, tears welled up and I felt the first genuine flood of grief since her death. Before I know there was shock, anger,feelings of betrayal. But not real grief. Although I hadn't admitted it to anyone, I was wondering where that grief was and when it was going to surface. Well, last week it finally made its appearance. The tears flowed on and off all day. The shock was gone. The anger was pretty much gone. What was left was genuine raw grief and the ache of knowing once and for all that I can't ever again pick up the phone and share that secret language of best friends that takes years to develop. I finally have to acknowledge the gaping hole that once was filled with love, laughter, understanding, support, and unconditional acceptance.
She's gone, and she took with her our history, our stories and our secrets.
Mid-Semester Break
17 years ago
